I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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