Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize