maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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