I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
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They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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