So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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