it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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