if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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