I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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