on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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