So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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