But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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