sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize