Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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