Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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