I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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