dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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