just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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