All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
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I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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