I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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