i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
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How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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