Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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