her facebook's as public as her vagina
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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