i was born a porn star she said
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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