I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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