Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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