my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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