Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize