Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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