Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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