I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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