First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
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Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
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