She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize