Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize