My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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