i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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