Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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