I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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