so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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