i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize