she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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