need another drink. this is the easiest way
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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