Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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