Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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