I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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