I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize