I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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