I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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