I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
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Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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