I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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