He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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