I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
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You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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