I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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