I accidentally had phone sex last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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